Contributor: “Dr. J”
Dr. J offers his irreverent, slightly irrelevant, but possibly useful opinions on health and fitness. A Florida surgeon and fitness freak with a black belt in karate, he runs 50 miles a week and flies a Cherokee Arrow 200.

It’s a mad, mad world up there!

To be sure, I have lots of fun flying my Arrow around the sky! I usually cruise the heights between 3,000 and 10,000 feet msl. It seems, however, that the real madness happens at much greater altitudes, and I don’t mean the mile high club!

Here are three recent events illustrating what I mean! It’s a mad, mad world up there!

Out the door, or not

Back in my residency training days, we had many patients to take care of at the same time! To help us keep track of them each resident had a list of names, there medical problems, etc. for each of these people. Every morning prior to rounds, we would go through the list, modifying and updating it.

We had the active patients OTL (On the List) on our service, patients OTL on other services, patients Off the List, but still in the hospital where we could get called to see them again, and the ever-popular, OTD (Out the Door), where they were not only off our list, but off everyone’s list and discharged from the hospital! Usually, when a patient was OTD, you would think they were cured of their disease problem!

Not so with this man. It seems our unfortunate patient had been convicted of killing his mother in 2002 due to insanity. He had undergone treatment at a psychiatric hospital and was deemed cured and OTD this year. Upon his release he bought a plane ticket the same day.

The Boeing 737 belonging to Russian airline Sky Express was heading for the Black Sea resort city of Sochi with about 130 people aboard when our distraught passenger gave a note to a stewardess saying he would blow up the plane unless it rerouted to Vienna! Other passengers, not approving of this plan, overpowered the poor man, and he was returned to the hospital due to his recidivism! Back OTL, I guess.

Learning a second language, or se habla espanol?

I’ve talked in this column about the importance of maintaining our brain fitness as we age. I’ve also talked about the value of learning a second language in doing this. It’s generally felt that being immersed in another culture where a different language is spoken is the best way to learn a new language. Of course, the most pleasant way for this to happen is by choice!

It seems an 83-year-old wheelchair bound woman was happily looking forward to her flight to Florida to see her loving family! After leaving New York, she arrived in Philadelphia for the connecting flight. For some reason, as yet to be determined, she was wheeled onto a direct flight to Puerto Rico!

Perhaps with the arrival of her Rum she became aware of things being amiss, perhaps not. Habla espanol, Senora? “Not yet, but as soon as I do, I have a few choice words for you!” was her possible reply!

Now perhaps many people want to escape “to” Puerto Rico, but I suspect wanting to escape “from” was more likely in this instance. She eventually was returned to Tampa, after a wonderful, brief vacation, paid for by the airlines, I am sure!

Pass out the peanuts, fly the plane!

I remember reading, shortly after 9/11, with all the increased security and new rules, how a pilot was complaining about how he was not allowed to take a cup of coffee through the checkpoint. He said, “I’m the pilot! I can do anything I want with the plane.”

When I’m a passenger under another pilot’s watch, I’d like to think they are the strongest link in the operation, but sometimes this is not the case.

In the early days of aviation, people who worked for the airlines had multiple jobs! It was not uncommon for the same person who took your ticket to load the plane and even be on the flight crew, but of course those days were long ago, or are they?

What started out as a pleasant jaunt through the sky took a terrible turn for both our hero and the non-hero. It seems flight attendant Happy Skyward was just doing her usual exemplary job when co-pilot, Dr. Ace Jekyll, decided it was time to transition into Mr. Doa Hyde!

Anybody can have a “nervous breakdown“ on good ole terra firma, but how many of us can decide to take a serious time out while at the controls of an airliner going 600 miles an hour?

After he was subdued and tied up by the rest of the flight crew, the plane’s pilot, knowing that the work load on a large jet is much easier performed by two pilots, put out a call for “Pilot on board?” When no one in the passenger section could be found, one of the flight attendants, the aforementioned Happy Skyward, admitted to a private pilot’s license.

Taking the right seat, she proved more than adequate at the task. Later the chief pilot, remarking how she was a hero, said she was “not out of place,” while occupying the right seat.

As much as I envy those flying above me, these incidents remind me that when I am pilot in command, I can only stand so much fun!

(Send your questions for Dr. J to calorielab@gmail.com or leave a comment. If your question is used by Dr. J, CalorieLab will send you a $25 Dining Dough restaurant certificate — limited to U.S. residents. More Dr. J posts can be read in our archives.)

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This entry was posted on Thursday, November 27th, 2008 and is filed under Dr. J will see you now. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed. Permalink.